The fallacy within me

I know that God is good and He wants good things for His children. I also know that the things I think are good in my human mind are not really good in comparison to what God sees as good. Luckily He blesses us with what is truly the best for us, aka His standard of good (if we're willing to submit).
I know that I'm single because God sees that as fitting for me right now. It's too bad my head can't translate that to my heart. The phrase "two appetites in me, which one do I feed" comes into my mind right now. (That could very well be from the bible or it could be a paraphrase of what Paul has written.) The one says be practical and wait on the Lord while the other says I'm lonely and I want love right now. I've always thought that God had someone amazing picked out for me, (although some interests contradicted that belief, some did not) now I wonder if I've been self-deceived.
What seems to be the hardest thing right now is having this desire, praying for this desire to come to pass, and then watching it happen for so many others constantly. Time is slipping through my fingers I feel, and I think the gap is closing in year by year on my options. Yet I desperately don't want to settle, and I don't think I will. The other thing that I find hard is watching others do the very things they shouldn't to be in a relationship and I feel like I suffer for putting God first (trying to operate in a way that's pleasing to Him). I'm not about to date anyone unless they're saved, (share my faith and belief in Christ Jesus) I wouldn't even go out once with someone unless I knew that for a fact. God says not to be unequally yoked and you cannot take fire to your bosom without getting burned. To me if I did this I feel like I would be telling God that my desires are more important than my relationship with Him and they're not.
I guess maybe I feel like "hey God I'm playing the game by Your rules can you help me out here?" I know I shouldn't envy others, especially those that don't honor God in their conduct, but at times it's extremely hard not to wonder "what if" and do whatever it takes to gain my own happiness. I also know that's not how God's economy of grace works. (Although I could really understand the mentality of the harvesters who worked all day and got paid the same as the harvesters who only worked an hour.) God doesn't repay us for our works, but He is a GOOD father who gives what His child needs and I've got to hold on to that. I've got to hold on to the numerous promises that if you diligently seek God and wait on Him He will bless you for it. It wouldn't make me stronger or teach me anything if it wasn't difficult.

Foundations (part 2)

The Gospel


There is a creator, He is God = the one and only.

It is God's desire to have a relationship with man, He created us to know Him.

After the fall (Adam and Eve) man is naturally born into sin, that sin separates us form God who is perfect. Sin and God's perfection are like oil and water, it's against their natures to mix.

God made a way for He and man to be reconciled. He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to be born in human flesh to a virgin.

Jesus Christ is fully God and was fully human. He was tempted in all points as is normal for all humans, and yet remained sinless. He was the perfect son of God.

The wages of sin is death, eternal separation from God. Without the shedding of blood there is no remission (removal or forgiveness) of sin. Which was originally exemplified by the sacrificial law of the Hebrews. Sin requires a payment. Jesus Christ, perfectly innocent, died a criminals death on a roman cross to pay man's penalty.

After 3 days in the tomb Jesus rose from the dead. He walked on earth for about 40 days (seen by many eye-witnesses) prior to ascending to heaven to be at the right hand of God, where He remains and has remained until He comes to take His church home.

Anyone who believes that Jesus in the Son of God, that God raised Him from the dead, and confesses Jesus Christ as LORD will be saved from the punishment of sin and eternal death.


All of the above is the GOSPEL (the Good News): God loves man, wants to be with man, but cannot due to sin. So in His love He gave His Son to take man's place and pay the payment required of sin, because Christ's sacrifice was perfect God raised Him from the dead and if we believe in Him we will share in His resurrection from the dead. This is plain and simply the Gospel, you add anything to it (like good works to save you) it's not the gospel. If you take anything away from it (like denying the deity of Jesus Christ) it's not the gospel. This Gospel as God, as Christ, and as many devoted followers before me have said is the ONLY way to God! "For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus," - 1 Timothy 2:5. Jesus Himself also said "I am the Way" (singular) - John 14:6.

Foundations

Part 1
GOD

Even the best built building will fall if its foundation is faulty. Walls will not stand if the foundation cannot hold them. A foundation must be built out of the right materials in order to be ready and able to hold and sustain walls. Sand will not hold a building like stone or a derivative of stone will. This thought had recently come to me when I was thinking about people who walk away from faith in God. If your basic idea of God is wrong everything else based off of that is going to be wrong. In turn you could see why so many people give up on the whole idea of God in general. People are given a pseudo gospel in our American culture and I believe this leads to so much of the disillusionment within Christianity. Another source we come by is a false definition of God, either by our own fabrication or the information of others. You see God is… just as we are. I am not a certain way because others will me to be that way, but I am who I am. God made man (humankind) in His image and this is an example of that. We can’t make God, God is already in existence as He is and is going to be. Does this make sense? You see too many people try to make God into what they want Him to be and when He doesn’t fit their mold they get angry and leave the whole thing behind. Instead they should have taken the time to get to know God for who He is and not made Him into their own idea. So If you want the right foundation in Christianity make sure you have a picture of who God IS first, anything else will louse up your structure. If you want to know God as He IS pray that He alone will show you, read the Bible - it will give you a clear picture of His character; His perfection, justice, love and grace. God is real He exists and He longs for you to know Him intimately, If you seek Him you will find Him.

A New Direction

What to say…Well I think that in a sense I’m going to take my blog in a different direction. In another sense I am not. I’m going to try to write more from the cuff and gut, not planning every word, but being honest and sincere. Transparent as well. I’m going to write about more varieties of things, and yet still keep it spiritual. I’m going to keep it more raw Tina and less polished. Maybe it wasn’t very polished before, but I was too picky and fearful of what others might say or twist what I wrote to say before and I wasn’t getting a lot of writing done. In a sense for me this is a new beginning in my blog-o-spere, I’m taking it as that. Feel free to read my previous posts but I feel a few of them where putting the cart before the horse. Relevant to my life at the time and a definite way for me to vent, but not exactly the order I’d like things to go in.
What do I want for my blog? First of all, spiritually, I want to point all men and women to Christ and God. Second, share about my life as a women of God in this world. Lastly, anything else in between, just share myself as I said I want to be transparent.
There’s a song that has a line, “ In all of life, it comes down to just one thing, and that’s to know You oh Jesus, and make You known.” I always loved singing this song and this line because it exemplified the cry of my heart from the time I was small. God knows my passion, my heart, my desire, and I have full faith the He will use me and this blog how simple or silly that may seem. My prayer is that if you are searching for God you’re searching fairly and not in a way that makes it impossible for Him to show you how much He truly does care. My next blog will cover more of that. God bless you and keep you.

Hearing God's Voice

I wrote this a few years ago, when a friend asked me what I thought about a certain situation going on in their life. I think they wanted a much different answer than I gave them, but I thought taking them to the word was the best thing a friend could do. Here it is.

There have been times in my life when I know I have heard God’s voice. Whether it be a specific event that He has spoken to me or a peaceful assurance. There have also been times when I was sure He was speaking to me and I have found out I was clearly wrong. A specific event that God spoke to me concerning was when I was 8 or 9 and God told me that He would heal me from a congenital kidney defect. Which He did in fact heal me of. The times of peaceful assurance were instances when I would pray about issues concerning me and afterward I could just feel Him telling me it would all work out. Specifically I can remember a couple times when my older sister lost her wallet, I prayed and then I just knew she’d find it and it would be alright. That is exactly what happened. But honestly how do we have any idea it’s really God we’re hearing and not our own desires, or fears for that matter.

First of all if it’s from the Lord it’s going to be 100% accurate and true. I know somewhere in the scriptures it tells us that a prophet was only from the Lord if his predictions always came to pass. We also know that God is incapable of lying:

Numbers 23:19

“God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?”

Titus 1:2

“in hope of eternal life which God, who cannot lie, promised before time began,”

Another thing we must consider is what kind of fruit does this knowledge bear. Is it something that is drawing you closer to God and farther away from yourself? Is it something that is making you stronger in your faith or is it causing your focus to slip away to something incidental? If it’s from God your focus will remain on “Christ and Him crucified.” If it’s from God it will always glorify God and strengthen your walk with Him:

James 3:16-17

“16 For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. 17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.”

My assumption from this verse is that if it’s something spoken from God it will not bring you fear, impure thoughts, or anger. If you feel God has spoken something to you and it’s causing you to feel any of these things it’s not from God.

God promises that He gives us wisdom liberally if we ask it of Him (James 1:5). And yet, Christ also said, “ be wise as serpents and harmless as doves” (Matt 10:16). So how do we figure it all out?…

Psalm 119:11

“Your word I have hidden in my heart, That I might not sin against You.”

Hide His Word in your heart and remember God will NEVER tell you anything contradictory to His Word. If it’s from God it will be backed up in the Word.

Give Thanks

I have no real reason why this popped into my head tonight, but it did. When I was 12 or 13 I read The Hiding Place, by Corrie Ten Boom for the first time and I've read it a few times since. In fact I think it's probably a good time for me to read it again, if you've never read it you should. I would have to say it is my favorite book, and it has definitely been the most impactful book in my life, second to the bible. There's an incident that Corrie recalls while she and her sister had just been relocated to Ravensbruck the notorious women's concentration camp in Germany. (As a side-note: I grabbed my copy of The Hiding Place to find the passage I wanted to share and guess where I turned? To the precise page I needed, wow. To me that's confirmation God wants me to share this.) The women are forced to sleep in multi-leveled bunk bed so close together they could hardly move and just as they were getting settled in their spots Corrie gets bit by fleas and scrambles down from the beds to where there's a little light. Here is the conversation that follows:

___________________________

... I wailed. "Betsie, how can we live in such a place!"
"Show us. Show us how." It was said so matter of factly it took me a second to realize she was praying. More and more, the distinction between prayer and the rest of life seemed to be vanishing for Betsie.
" Corrie!" she said excitedly. "He's given us the answer! Before we asked, as He always does! In the Bible this morning. Where was it? Read that part again!"
I glanced down the long dim aisle to make sure no guard was in sight, then drew the Bible from its pouch. "It was First Thessalonians," I said. We were on our third complete reading of the New Testament since leaving Scheveningen. In the feeble light, I turned the pages. "Here it is: 'Comfort the frightened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See that none of you repays evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to all...'" It seemed written expressly to Ravensbruck.
"Go on," said Betsie. "That wasn't all."
"Oh yes: '...to one another and to all. Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus -"
"That's it Corrie! That's His answer. 'Give thanks in all circumstances!' That's what we can do. We can start right now to thank God for every single thing about this new baracks!"
I stared at her, then around me at the dark, foul-aired room.
"Such as?" I said.
"Such as being assigned here together."
I bit my lip. "Oh, yes, Lord Jesus!"
"Such as what you're holding in your hands."
I looked down at the Bible. "Yes,! Thank You, dear Lord, that there was no inspection when we entered here! Thank You for all the women, here in this room, who will meet You in these pages."
"Yes," said Betsie. "Thank You for the very crowding here. Since we're packed so close, that many more will hear!" She looked at me expectantly. "Corrie!" she prodded.
"Oh, all right. Thank You for the jammed, crammed, stuffed, packed, suffocating crowds."
"Thank You," Betsie went on serenly, "for the fleas and for --"
The fleas! This was too much. "Betsie, there's no way even God can make me grateful for a flea."
"'Give thanks in all circumstances,'" she quoted. "It doesn't say, 'in pleasant circumstances.' Fleas are part of this place where God has put us."
And so we stood between piers of bunks and gave thanks for fleas. But this time I was sure Betsie was wrong.

_________________________

We all have fleas in our life, things we feel God has no purpose for, things we feel we're completely justified in being ungrateful for even bitter towards. Corrie even mentions that not even God can make her grateful for such a horrid thing as fleas. But just as her sister spoke to her God wants us to be thankful for all things, not just the things that we reason in our minds worthy of thanksgiving, but all things. I'm going to be very vulnerable right now and say I don't always want to thank God for my singleness or my loneliness, though I can see the benefit of it at times. I have to hold out that God sees the road ahead. He knows what's coming and nothing is in vain with Him. His ways are not our ways, they're so much better! There's more to Corrie and Betsie's story, here's the part that just leaves me speechless. You see Corrie and Betsie would read the little New Testament (that miraculously stayed hidden from every guard at every concentration camp they were sent to) in the evening when everyone was forced into their sleeping quarters. Amazingly the guards never stopped them or came near to see what all the women were huddled around doing. It got to be such a big gathering of women listening to what they were reading that they could hear women translating the text from Dutch to German, French, Russian, Polish, Czech and still no guards to stop them. Later on Betsie figures out why, and here it is:


_______________________

"You know we've never understood why we had so much freedom in the big room," she said. "Well--I've found out."
That afternoon, she said, there'd been confusion in her knitting group about sock sizes and they'd asked the supervisor to come and settle it.
"But she wouldn't. She wouldn't step through the door and neither would the guards. And you know why?"
Betsie could not keep the triumph from her voice: "Because of the fleas! That's what she said, 'The place is crawling with fleas!'"
My mind rushed back to our first hour in this place. I remembered Betsie's bowed head, remembered her thanks to God for creatures I could see no use for.

__________________________

What can be said but that God knows and He sees and everything, even the fleas, can be used for His purposes. Give thanks to God for all things and wait to see Him use the fleas in your life. It may take a while, but His greatest works have been done through our greatest trials giving Him great glory and you His great strength. Tina C.

Glory Days

I matured pretty early spiritually and emotionally in life. Through different circumstances I learned to heavily rely on God and in this I developed a strong dependence and thirst for Him. I did not have the typical teenage rebellion, nor did I want it. I knew what was out there, I chose not to enter into it. I don't feel that this was accomplished by my strength, but by the sanctification and carrying power of the Lord. At the age of 14 I taught Sunday School non-stop up until I was 19 and I loved every minute of it. I quit because I went off to Calvary Chapel Bible College. I was not a typical teenager. I know I had a deep walk with the Lord and there are times I'm very jealous of that child I once was.

It seems that as I've gotten older that intensity, that earnest relationship I once had with the Lord yoyos more frequently than I'd like. Distractions come in and I find it harder and harder to say no to the small things that eat up my time and draw me away from the sweet presence of the Lord. Sometimes instead of dealing with the here and now I find myself still patting myself on the back for all the things I DID. It's like the old quarterback that keeps re-living the game winning touch down fifteen years after it happened because he's too afraid to take stock of his dead-end life in its current situation. He's still a star, a hero in his own mind because at one point in time he did one great thing, but the rest of his life has passed him by and he's stuck with nothing now.

This is not were God wants us to reside. It's not about what we did for God, but about living fresh in the moment with Him now and being obedient to His guidance day by day. He will call us to things outside of our comfort zone and just because you did something that one time that doesn't exclude you from completing the work He sets before you. Though it is a tempting excuse that many of us use from time to time. However, if God we're done with using us here on earth we would be gone, but obviously He still wants to use us because were here. So learning; growing; and serving God, our brothers and sisters, and the world around us is not something we retire from. Daily He has always and will always give us His strength to do what He wills and desires if we in obedience heed His call. The job is done when He calls us home, for the glory of the Lord stop living in the glory days of the past and start new say,"here I am Lord, what do You will for me now."

Lamentations 3:22-23
22 Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.